Slashed Seat Affair -

I want to be a Pirate.

I watched with fascination as the huge tanker was , well, nicked by Captain Sparrow types on the high seas. Firstly I couldn’t believe a boat that size existed (apparently it was 4.5 times larger than the biggest US fighter jet carrier). Secondly, the word pirate was not something I thought I would ever hear again outside of Treasure Island. It’s the kind of word that in 2008 stops you for a brief second whilst you get your head around it. Apparently oil is the new “pieces of eight”. $100m worth!

What a glamorous occupation, so much better than milkman (although the perks of a bit of slap and tickle with Britt Eckland types whilst delivering gold top was de rigour during the 70’s apparently), or an office admin (despite the opportunity to photocopy one’s arse to much hilarity).

Just imagine it….first day on the job and you get measured up for your parrot and wooden leg, perhaps a hook if you were lucky/ unlucky (delete as applicable) and your big shiny cutlass. Attending elocution lessons to ensure the “ooh arrrrrr” is just west country enough, must lose the middle class twang if you are to be taken seriously.

It's not how/ if these guys who nicked the oil tanker got away or got killed during a recovery mission, the thought of there being pirates in this day and age makes me think that perhaps all is not what we first thought. Who knows, we may turn on the news one day to find that Wizards are on the loose in Wood Green. We can but hope, but for now….

…I want to be Pirate.